Darna sucks. Period.

The “new” Darna show started airing at the Kapuso network GMA-7 last August 17, 2009. Starring Marian Rivera as the newest incarnation of this Filipino superheroine and after

four days of watching the show, I couldn’t help but wonder why they even bothered showing “re-incarnating” this very tired genre on local television. After seeing very revealing

pictures of the new Darna spreading around the internets like wild-fire, wha-? You haven’t seen this photos yet?

Okay, now that you’ve seen what sparked my curiousity (and I bet yours too!), I gave this sorry-ass show a shot. Was I disapponted? More than ever. And here’s a short list why:

(Cue: Horror Piano Riffs)

1. WHY MAKE ANOTHER ONE?

With more than a dozen incarnations of the arguably most famous Pinoy superheroine, I bet Dolphy and Ate V’s version was much more entertaining!  (Especially if you already did

one four years ago! That’s not even enough to make me forget Angel Locsin’s curves yet. You know what I mean.)

I just don’t see a perfectly sane reason why you should recreate or rehash something unless:

-You’re going to do a much better job.

-You know that the material is from a different era that it’s nice to give it a fresh new look.

-Lastly, that you’re going to give it justice.

Out of three, I give this re-make a big resounding ZERO. (More reasons below.)

2.Angel Locsin is so much hotter than Marian Rivera. ‘Nuff said.

3. I’d rather watch the “original” and so much cooler superheroine. Did I say original?

4. Get better writers.

The writing is so lame. (Paging, Jun Lana) So lame in fact that my migraine starts the moment the show starts airing. The characters are so flawed, the pacing is predictable and

the superheroine is an idiot.

Example 1:

According to the Guardian of the Snowbear aka White Stone, to beat the Babaeng Impakta (When it should’ve been ImpaktaS, they’re twins.) she should separate the two. Our heroine

does just that, and the more human “Impakta” faints (WTF?), the monster (presumably the Impakta they are referring to) flies away (WTF again?!), Darna regains her flying power

by literally punching it out of the villain! I’m no master of the superhero genre but that is just plain stupid.

Example 2:

Before Narda accepted the stone, the Guardian is “forced” to surrender the Snowbear aka the White Stone to the four villains. In effect, the four gets warped in a different

dimension, gets a slice of Darna’s power, giving them the additional “edge” for their glorious revenge. Nifty…

Example 3:

Back to the Impakta incident, the moment the “monster” and Darna was about to square off and after uttering several lines of rubbish, a couple of reporters arive at the scene.

Our heroine gets distracted by the camera flash (She’s shy daw kasi.), the monster succesfullt escapes in a split-second, running using it’s teeney-tiny legs. Take note: the

monster didn’t even need to fly. Just amazing. (And I’m being sarcastic here.)

5. Make up your mind!

I’m just confused, I’m not really sure what they want us to think? Is this a drama? A comedy show? Make up your mind! The side characters were obviously cast for comic relief.

The News Editor, played by Raymart Santiago, has three bumbling employees. Mark Anthony Fernandez, playing as Narda’s love interest, also has the very funny (not!) Bearwin

Meilly as an assistant. The oh-so-dramatic scenes between Narda, Valentina and whatever-Mark’s-character-name-is love triangle doesn’t add much entertainment value either. My

advice? Stick to your strong points. This is supposed to be a superhero show right?

6. “Mas matitinding special effects!”

What special effects? The flapping wings? The extending vines? The extending (again) limbs of the Impakta? The whirlwind effects? What’s new?! Nothing.

7. Where’s Ding?

It’s the fourth episode tonight and we haven’t seen this annoying kid yet! I though they were supposed to be orphaned siblings? Hmmm… Budget cuts,anyone?

8. What? You were actually looking for a number 8? Gee, according to a recent psychological study I made up, 7 reasons should justify how much a show sucks.

9. Just to make this list complete: Facebook apps are so much better than this show.

Play Mafia Wars, plant vegetables on your farm,or go “all in” in online poker! I’m just dumbfounded how more entertaining this online games are compared to Marian Rivera’s high

flying character.

10. Rehashing = couldn’t think of something else = desperation

And with these three “ideas” summarizing what this show is about, you couldn’t expect something good ever coming out of it.

The “new” Darna show started airing at the Kapuso network GMA-7 last August 17, 2009. Starring Marian Rivera as the newest incarnation of this Filipino superheroine and just after four days of watching the show, I couldn’t help but wonder why they even bothered showing “reincarnating” this very tired genre on local television. After seeing very revealing pictures of the new Darna spreading around the internets like wild-fire, wha-? You haven’t seen these photos yet?

Okay, now that you’ve seen what sparked my curiosity (and I bet yours too!), I gave this sorry-ass show a shot. Was I disappointed? More than ever. I’ve compiled a short list below so read on!

1. WHY MAKE ANOTHER ONE?

With more than a dozen incarnations of the arguably most famous Pinoy super-heroine, I bet Dolphy and Ate V’s version was much more entertaining!  (Especially if you already did one four years ago! That’s not even enough to make me forget Angel Locsin’s curves yet. You know what I mean.) I just don’t see a perfectly sane reason why you should recreate or rehash something unless:

• You’re going to do a much better job.
• You know that the material is from a different era that it’s nice to give it a fresh new look.
• Lastly, that you’re going to give it justice.

Out of three, I give this re-make a big resounding ZERO. (More reasons below.)

2.Angel Locsin is so much hotter than Marian Rivera. ‘Nuff said.

3. I’d rather watch the “original” and so much cooler superheroine. Did I say original?

Coincidence? You decide.

4. Get better writers.

The writing is so lame. (Paging, Jun Lana) So lame in fact that my migraine starts the moment the show starts airing. The characters are so flawed, the pacing is predictable and the super-heroine is an idiot.

Example 1:

According to the Guardian of the Snowbear aka White Stone, to beat the Babaeng Impakta (When it should’ve been ImpaktaS, they’re twins.) she should separate the two. Our heroine does just that, and the more human “Impakta” faints (WTF?), the monster (presumably the Impakta they are referring to) flies away (WTF again?!), Darna regains her flying power by literally punching it out of the villain! I’m no master of the superhero genre but that is just plain stupid.

Example 2:

Before Narda accepted the stone, the Guardian is “forced” to surrender the Snowbear aka the White Stone to the four villains. In effect, the four gets warped in a different dimension, gets a slice of Darna’s power, giving them the additional “edge” for their glorious revenge. Nifty…

Example 3:

Back to the Impakta incident, the moment the “monster” and Darna was about to square off and after uttering several lines of rubbish, a couple of reporters arive at the scene. Our heroine actually gets distracted by the camera flash (She’s shy daw kasi.), the monster succesfullt escapes in a split-second, running using it’s teeney-tiny legs.  (Take note: the monster doesn’t have flying powers anymore . ) Just amazing. (And I’m being sarcastic here.)

5. Make up your mind!

I’m just confused, I’m not really sure what they want us to think? Is this a drama? A comedy show? Make up your mind! The side characters were obviously cast for comic relief. The News Editor, played by Raymart Santiago, has three bumbling employees while Mark Anthony Fernandez, playing as Narda’s love interest, also has the very funny (not!) Bearwin Meilly as an assistant. The oh-so-dramatic scenes between Narda, Valentina and whatever-Mark’s-character-name-is love triangle doesn’t add much entertainment value either.

My advice? Stick to your strong points. This is supposed to be a superhero show right?

6. “Mas matitinding special effects!”

What special effects? The flapping wings? The extending vines? The extending (again) limbs of the Impakta? The whirlwind effects? What’s new?! Nothing.

7. Where’s Ding?

It’s the fourth episode tonight and we haven’t seen this annoying kid yet! I though they were supposed to be orphaned siblings? Hmmm… Budget cuts, anyone?

8. What? You were actually looking for a number 8?

Gee, according to a recent psychological study I made up, 7 reasons should justify how much a show sucks.

9. Just to make this list complete: Facebook apps are so much better than this show.

Play Mafia Wars, plant vegetables on your farm,or go “all in” in online poker! I’m just dumbfounded how more entertaining this online games are compared to Marian Rivera’s high flying character.

10. Rehashing = couldn’t think of something else = desperation

And with these three “ideas” summarizing what this show is about, you couldn’t expect something good ever coming out of it.

Tell me what you think!

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