dreaming of her
It has been months, no, years since I saw her. I remember the time I set out to find her about a year ago, and I miserably failed. Though I got to talk to her over Yahoo Messenger, it didn’t last. As quickly as I found her, the more quicker she was gone. Again. During those time, she told me that she saw me across the place where we used to go to. I asked her why didn’t she call me, and she only replied, “Nahihiya kasi ako sa’yo.” We even asked each other to watch a movie, just like the old days… When everything seemed brighter and better tasting.
But that was it.
She never replied.
I never thought I would ever see her again. Not even in my dreams. Since I rarely remember my dream, this one was so vivid… And in full color!
I could still remember the smell of popcorn, the screams of delight of children all around me, and the silly music that was playing. It was a carnival. Bright lights kept on blinking at a distance, asking delighted customers to come in. Clowns of all sizes were running amok around the park, sometimes even scaring some kids, sending them running to their mom’s and dad’s.
Suddenly I was in a line to catch a ride, this time, it was a roller coaster. Ooh! I love roller coasters! I love the adrenaline rushing through my veins, though I felt something different was in store for me.
I was with a small group of people, about the same age as me. I didn’t recognize anyone, but they seemed nice enough anyway. They kept on cheering me on about something, which was weird because I was already ahead of them in line, therefore I was more excited than scared.
Then I saw her.
She was about ten paces away from me and guys were bugging her about something. The guy behind me, nudged no, pushed me forward and told me, “Sige na!” and then he smiled,motioning that I should go help her out. I wanted to go to her but I was paralyzed! I was too stunned to see her in such a random place like this.
I quickly made my move. I rushed to go near her as she was about to get into one of the cars. I shoved the guy who was pesting her, prompting me to take his place. It was an old ride, paint was chipping off, rust was clearly visible and the seats were hard. The only peculiar thing is, the seats were positoned to the side, just like how Jeepney seating would be.
She was wearing a dark colored shirt and was carrying a book. (A book?! Yes, a book.) A familiar smile flashed upon me, probably thanking me for what I did. I can’t remember what was the first word I said to her. The ride was moving in such a peculiar way. We weren’t going up and down. It was just moving at such a slow pace that you can see people’s face clearly and low enough that you can jump off without getting injured.
People were staring at us, some were even pointing. A couple of dudes, wearing shades(though it was nighttime) was clearly watching us while eating ice cream. I reached out my right hand, while the noise were getting louder and louder until it was deafening.
She held my hand.
The noise suddenly ceased. The warmth of her skin calmed me, leaving me without a care of the world. She was still so pretty.
We started talking about what went on since we parted ways. I couldn’t her her talk. I can see her mouth open and close, smiling at some moments but I couldn’t hear a thing. Oddly enough, she was also encircling something on the book she was holding using a pencil. I peered closer to her. It was an Elementary Filipino book, and she was encircling answers to what was the item on the drawing.
The only vivid thing that she told me was she didn’t regret parting ways with me because she learned a lot by herself. (I could say the same thing.)
I remember telling her, “Matagal na rin nung huling beses na hinawakan ko yung kamay mo…”
“Oo nga. ” , she replied.
She also told me that the most important person to her life was “M“. (I’m not sure who this M was but I have this feeling that this M was the first letter of a little girls name. I don’t know why I know this, I just felt it. I may be wrong for all I know.) I was silent while she was telling me this, and I kissed her on her left cheek. I giggled saying, “Ay! basa pa yata yung ilong ko!” She also laughed. (I never kissed her. Ever.)
We were so close. I could feel her warmth very close to me. Her all too familiar scent filled my nostrils. Memories flashed back just like it was yesterday.
And that was it.
I woke up.
(I hope someone could enlighten me what my dream meant. But one thing’s for sure, I really miss her.)
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